Questionable Media Month Part 11

Chapter 11 - The Hits Start Coming

Lucey has written a decent reimagining of Don’t Stop Believing. (Although this begs the question, who will sing the lines “Just a city girl, livin’ in a lonely world, she took the 10 AM flight to Washington…Just a small town boy, living in a loveless void, he took the long way home to Forks Washington”? Will the chorus sing it? Will there be a narrator character?)

Kristina says that Lucey had help writing the song, and when Nigel is suggested, she says “Nope. Think higher.” So, Mr. Lord, then? Greeeaat.

“Wouldn’t it be awesome to do the Glee version of the song in our show?”

“Isn’t that copying?”

“Ben, our entire show is copying. We’re stealing songs, writing a few new lyrics, and taking the story from a movie. We might as well copy from a great TV show while we’re at it.”

The man has a point.

And then everyone starts singing the Glee version of Don’t Stop Believing. Because EVERYONE in the drama club (a) has seen this particular Glee episode (b) has completely learned the Glee arrangement of the song © is happy to join in on an impromptu rendition of it in the school hallways and (d) willingly starts dancing along to the music. Yes, I totally believe that. That is a real thing that happens in normal New England high schools.

Then another student writes a song about Forks to the tune of California Gurls. Do we need a whole song about Forks?

But naturally, Sadie blows everyone out of the water by taking a song from 1975 called ‘At Seventeen’ and rewriting it for Edward. Everyone is ~amazed~ when she performs it. Because of course.

Also, she finally has finished the script, which is good because auditions are tomorrow.

(I am also really curious as to how the backing music is going to work. Do they have a pit band? If so, will they be able to find sheet music for all of these pop songs? Will they just get karaoke tracks and call it good? Who knows.)

Questionable Media Month Part 12

Chapter 12 - Bit Part Hell

I will laugh so hard if Sadie gets cast as Rosalie, y’all have no idea.

“I hated auditions because I wasn’t in charge.” Why, you don’t say! Also apparently thirty-plus people are auditioning. Where were all of these people during the club meetings? I’m so confused. “Personally I thought the time I invested in the script…should have earned me extra points on my audition scorecard.” Except that being able to cut down a movie script is not the same thing as being able to act, sing, and dance?

I find it funny that this school doesn’t have the money for a drama club, but has money for both a music teacher (Mr. Lord) and a separate band director. My school was twice the size of Sadie’s and we had one music teacher who taught music theory, band, jazz band, and chorus and handled musical theater. Also, Mr. Lord has recruited a choreographer. Sure.

Anyway, Sadie sings Gotta Go My Own Way from HSM2 because why not. She reads a short dialogue from her script, and has a dance audition. Then, it’s time to wait anxiously for the results. Mr. Ellison praises her audition, but she’s deeply anxious to learn the final casting decisions on Monday.

Incidentally, she spends the whole weekend fretting about how she NEEDS to be Bella because Bella and Edward are so intensely the focus of the show, and Bella will definitely have at least one solo, and “I needed a solo at this stage in my Crudup acting career.” I am running out of ways to humorously say it: high school DOES NOT matter that much. Getting or not getting the star role in your junior year musical, especially when it’s a crappy Twilight/Glee/pop song mashup at a school of 250 students, is really just not going to make a big difference in your theatrical success in the real world.

Finally, Monday! Lucey is Bella. Nigel is Edward. Can I get a ‘ well, duh’ from the audience? Sadly, Sadie is not Rosalie (she could have pulled off hilarious bitchface! Sigh), she’s Alice.

Sadie is disappointed, as is pretty much every girl who isn’t Bella. Also, she’s grossed out that she’s going to have to pretend to be romantic with Ben, the nerdy kid who’s been cast as Jasper. Wouldn’t it have been even more awkward to be Bella, forced to be all romantic with Nigel? Count your blessing, Sadie.

And we get the first (and second, and third) of what will no doubt be many winking “sucking” references. Because vampires suck blood! Oh dear Lord, this is going to be the rollercoaster all over again.

During the first read-through, the cast finally realizes there’s no Jacob (not, note, when they looked at the cast announcement and didn’t see anyone given the role of Jacob). Jacob is an incredibly minor character in the first book, but everyone freaks out anyway. They also freak out about every single change from the movie and/or book. Although to be fair, this is a realistic depiction of Twihards.

As she heads home, Sadie progresses from heady self-congratulation over writing a real script (or making minor changes to a movie script, but whatevs) to “deep in despair” over the whole not-being-Bella thing.

Hey, did you notice that Sadie Perkins sounds a lot like Sadie Hawkins? Maybe we should spend a page or two elucidating Sadie’s feelings on that. (Her feelings are negative. Please try to hide your surprise.) She googles famous Sadies, and there aren’t many, woe.

“I sketched out a theatre marquee with the words ‘Starring Sadie Perkins as Bella Swan’ in bold block letters. But obviously I wasn’t destined to be Bella…I was just me…A sixteen-year-old girl with a debilitating theatre obsession and yet another bit part.”

And this is the moment where I said “Oh, for fuck’s sake, shut up,” at my Kindle for the first time.

Questionable Media Month Part 13

Chapter 13 – Oldies and Goodies

Nigel rewrites Anything You Can Do as being sung by the Cullens to illustrate their superpowers (speed, fast driving, superhuman hearing, mind-reading/seeing the future, etc.) Ben rewrites Lynyrd Skynyrd’s That Smell for the famous biology class scene where Edwards smells Bella for the first time. They decide to use both songs in the show.

That’s the entire chapter. No, really. It’s four pages of song lyrics and a page and a half of story.

Questionable Media Month Part 14

Chapter 14 – Only Divas Need Apply

Halfway there! This is the part where I started getting legitimately angry at this book.

And, on a related note - I can’t believe I’m having to write this, but trigger warning for non-specific but incredibly blithe discussion of statutory rape.

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Questionable Media Month Part 15

More trigger warnings for statutory rape discussion. :(

Chapter 15 - Lost In Space

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Questionable Media Month Part 16

Chapter 16 – Hara-kari

It’s actually ‘hara-kiri’, but frankly that’s the least of this book’s problems.

“My weary existence slithered into Sunday.” Oh, give it a rest, Sadie.

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Questionable Media Month Part 17

Chapter 17 – Back Down The Rabbit Hole

Sadie’s mom suggests that she try to get the part of Alice back, because she clearly misses theater and is the only one being hurt by her own ‘moral high ground’. Oh, and it’s mentioned in passing that Sadie told her parents about her reasons for leaving the show. I am choosing to believe that she skipped the whole MUSIC TEACHER POSSIBLY SLEEPING WITH HIS SIXTEEN YEAR OLD STUDENT and not that they heard about it and were cool with it, because I think I’m giving myself a rage migraine.

Swayed by her mother’s advice, Sadie calls the girl who took over the part of Alice and asks if she’d be willing to relinquish the role. Aimee, rightfully, laughs and declines.

However, Sadie still gets sucked back into the drama club by helping Adrienne arrange yet another song (this one is Sk8er Boi). This prompts Sadie to muse on how Adrienne is so comfortable and happy with herself, and how that should be her model for how to behave.

Adrienne is pushing Sadie to become an unofficial assistant director, helping them “unify the script, song and dance into one cohesive thing.” Mr. Ellison is apparently old-fashioned in his directorial approach (?) and Mr. Lord is more focused on flashiness than telling the story.

Sadie decides she’ll go for it, because “I was tired of being a walking zombie. I wanted to feel human again, and only the theatre could save me.” Ugh, this girl. But she’s going to stay backstage or in the back of the theater, because she wants it to be casual.

Questionable Media Month Part 18

Chapter 18 – WTF

Okay, so now the story is that Alex is the person who impregnated Lucey. I suspect white-knight shenanigans, but Sadie instantly believes it and is crushed. And is also convinced that this means they REALLY can never be friends again, because it’s impossible to be friends with someone who is dating someone you don’t like.

Wait, one page? A one page chapter? You know what, I’m 67% through this thing, I don’t even care anymore.

Questionable Media Month Part 19

Chapter 19 – Back In The Saddle

Sadie sneaks into the theater and sentimentalizes over the wooden seats and smell of spilled orange soda for a few paragraphs. She finally starts watching the rehearsal, which isn’t going well. The choreography is great, but Nigel is upstaging Lucey’s weaker acting and Mr. Ellison and Mr. Lord are still squabbling. Oh, and we get another song, with full lyrics, this one to ‘Poker Face’ discussing how Edward can’t read Bella’s mind. How many songs does this show have now?

Incidentally, Sadie unironically calls a song genius which includes the immortal lines “I kinda wanna kiss her while I drink up all her blood” and “But he’s a comic superhero/I’m a real life bad guy zero”. It’s official: Sadie has no taste.

“Steven had worked out a funky, crump-like spastic dance for the verses. For the chorus, he switched into a more lyrical style.”

…there’s nothing I can say that is funnier than those two sentences.

Sadie hangs out in the back until rehearsal is over, and then goes backstage and gives Adrienne her notes on what should change. However, Adrienne says that some of her proposals should be presented to Mr. Lord directly, because he won’t listen to Adrienne but might listen to Sadie since he respects her and all.

She finds Mr. Lord the next day and he agrees with her suggestions. He also starts going on about how he would like to be her mentor, but he might not stay at this school. She’s upset that he might leave because gosh, he’s such a good drama coach! (You’ll notice that he’s either a great or sub-par director, depending on the needs of the plot.) And then he starts hitting on her again; she jerks away because she’s afraid he’s about to kiss her. Dude, get this guy fired already.

Meanwhile, it’s Thanksgiving and Sadie’s big brother Jesse (he of the ‘all guys are uncontrollable beasts’ advice) asks what’s up with her and Alex. She sidesteps the question by mentioning her brief relationship with Nigel and how it ended because she wouldn’t sleep with him. Jesse applauds her for not “spoil[ing] it with a lot of cheap sex”. ’It’, by the way, is sex with someone you love. Because obviously, if you have sex with someone you don’t love, it ruins the sex you have with the person you do love. You know what? I’m not even going to touch that.

Oh, and Sadie tells Jesse that Lucey is pregnant and his only response is, “Sounds like she could have used my advice about not doing two stupid things at once. Now aren’t you glad that’s not you?”

*head explodes*

Questionable Media Month Part 20

Chapter 20 – Hell Breaks Loose

Please, oh please let this be the chapter where Mr. Lord is arrested and/or fired for (allegedly) sleeping with an underage student over whom he had direct authority?

Sadie fully returns to the show as an unofficial assistant director. The acting is okay, the music is good, but the transitions are rough and some of the staging is choppy. Also, the performances are set for December 17, 18, and 19. Man, they are really cutting it close.

Then, at the beginning of tech week, Lucey has to quit! Her morning sickness is so severe that she’s dehydrated and needs to be put on an IV. I’m just throwing my hands up in the air and saying of course, because, well, of course Lucey is being severely punished for her slutty, slutty ways.

And Sadie, of course, immediately starts wondering if she’ll be offered the role and finally decides to ask the club advisors directly. Instead, she accidentally overhears Mr. Ellison and Mr. Lord fighting about that very question; Mr. Ellison wants to give Sadie the part but Mr. Lord wants to find someone more professional who can jump in and shine at the last minute. He asks for 24 hours. Incidentally, this is at least the fifth time the plot has been pushed forward by someone accidentally overhearing a relevant conversation.

The next day, it’s announced that Mr. Ellison has quit the play and is taking a few day off from school entirely. Also, Mr. Lord is being (more of) a jerk and tells Sadie to read the part of Bella “just for today”.

The whole cast freaks out. However, Sadie and a couple of the old-timers talk it out and convince everyone to keep going by breaking down their problems.

One, they need a director. The solution? Adrienne will try to get in touch with Mr. Ellison and if she can’t, Sadie will do her best since she’s apparently not actually going to play Bella.

Two, they need a Bella. They are trusting in Mr. Lord to find one.

Three, the show still needs a lot of work. But having a director besides Mr. Lord (whether that’s Mr. Ellison or Sadie) will help.

Oh, and we finally get a plot reason for that weird scene back in chapter 8 where Adrienne and Sadie teach Mr. Ellison how to text and in the process put Sadie’s number in Mr. Ellison’s phone. She gets a couple of texts from an ~unknown number~ , one of which says: (sic)

“If life were anna k, je would be a and tl v after Italy. Have retreated to my secrt place to think with ab snopes. Pleas forgive me for mising show. Tell cast to break leg. PS Pleas don’t forget your friends (A).”

I confess, I have not read Anna Karenina. I guess JE is Mr. Ellison and TL is Mr. Lord? But reading the Wiki summary of Anna Karenina, I’m still confused as to what this means.

Sadie doesn’t understand it at all and, rather than texting this mystery person back, ignores it. Of course.

Questionable Media Month Part 21

Chapter 21 – What Russian Novels Teach Us

I always thought Russian novels mostly taught us to be grateful we’re not Russian, but maybe I’m being too harsh.

Mr. Lord has found “the daughter of a friend of a friend” who was planning on transferring to Crudup and so she’s going to join the school and play the role of Bella even though she technically doesn’t live in the school district yet.

Sadie is crushed yet again that she won’t be Bella, but throws herself into her assistant director’s role. I personally would not be changing blocking two days before the show opened, but what do I know?

That night, as she’s conveniently on her phone deleting old text messages, she rereads the mystery text that is obviously from Mr. Ellison and realizes that it’s from Mr. Ellison. She also figures out that anna k is Anna Karenina, but still has no idea what it’s about – until later that night, when she wakes up and runs over to Alex’s house to talk to him about how Mr. Ellison needs their help because “don’t forget your friends (A)” obviously refers to Alex. (???)

Okay, so the first text message which I didn’t mention because it seemed pointless addresses a ‘Ginny’, who was Mr. Ellison’s wife except she died a few years ago. Alex decides this must be a code and someone must have been watching Mr. Ellison write the message? I would be more inclined to think he wrote it while drunk (he apparently took time off from school to ‘go fishing’) but okay. And apparently the whole thing means that Mr. Ellison is a prisoner? So Mr. Lord kidnapped Mr. Ellison? This seems slightly far-fetched.

Oh, and apparently Alex conveniently knows (from overhearing a conversation seeing a job advertisement circled on Mr Lord’s desk) that Mr. Lord has his heart set on a position at some larger school which requires experience directing original shows. So he’s been pushing the club in the direction of an original show, and usurping the director’s spot, from the beginning to get the experience to apply for this other job. Shock and betrayal!

Alex also reveals that the text message’s reference to ab snopes means Abner Snopes from William Faulkner’s ‘Barn Burning’, which Alex knows because he read it in class in September. I must say, Crudup has a very advanced English program.

…Is Mr. Ellison stuck in a barn?

They’re stuck on the meaning of that part and decide to hang out, gossip, and bond for a bit. Sadie apologizes properly about the whole being-a-jerk-for-the-entire-book thing, and then asks about Lucey’s pregnancy.

“I’m not the father. I never even slept with her. I just said I was so people would stop saying Mr. Lord was the one. That was torture for Lucey…and I felt bad for her.” This is my ‘no shit’ face. Sadie is light-headed with relief.

They finally figure out that Burning Barn is a local landmark at Burning Farm, which has a trout pond where Mr. Ellison fishes.

So, they think Mr. Ellison has been kidnapped and is being held at a trout farm, and suddenly it’s urgent that they save him ASAP. (It’s been more than 24 hours since he sent those text messages, but okay, whatever.) They try calling 911, which doesn’t go well, and decide to skip school the next morning to go up to the pond and see if he’s there.

Questionable Media Month Part 22

Chapter 22 – Bull’s-Eye

Alex borrows his mom’s car to drive them to Burning Farm. Hiding the car behind some bushes, they sneak in. They find Mr. Ellison, who is in fact tied up in the barn on a pile of hay. He seems surprisingly calm at first, but starts yelling as they cut him free about how he’s going to sue Mr. Lord (yes, it was Mr. Lord) for every penny.

The story is, Mr. Lord came up to Burning Farm to confront Mr. Ellison again about the Sadie vs. ‘more professional’ replacement Bella, and then knocked him out and tied him up. He’s been bringing Mr. Ellison food and water, but wanted him out of the way until the show was over. Also, Other Bella is a college student at a local school and Mr. Lord’s girlfriend.

(Why did Mr. Lord take the risk of kidnapping Mr. Ellison, when Mr. Ellison had already decided to take a couple of days off to go fishing? Mr. Lord could have handled the play exactly like he wanted to, without committing any crimes. THIS MAKES NEGATIVE AMOUNTS OF SENSE.)

Just as Mr. Ellison gets fully loose from his bonds, there’s the sound of another car. Is it Mr. Lord? Mr. Ellison tells the kids to hide because the kidnapper is “a little unpredictable”. Okay, why is Mr. Ellison not calling the cops? Instead, the plan is to lure Mr. Lord inside and create a false sense of comfort before – uh – tackling and overpowering him, I guess. This seems like an irresponsible plan for a high school teacher to pitch to his students?

But they hide anyway, and a figure appears in the doorway!

Questionable Media Month Part 23

Chapter 23 – So Close And Yet So Far

Oh yeah, they left the door open, while it had been closed before. So much for a false sense of security? Alex punches Mr. Lord in the face and they all try to overpower him, but he has a gun. Hey, remember how I said that the whole ‘overpowering an unstable kidnapper’ was a bad plan and they should call the cops?

Mr. Lord starts to villain-monologue about how he’s finally going to get what he’s owed as he forces Sadie to tie Alex and Mr. Ellison up. We get a huge infodump about his past, including the fact that he slept with the teenage daughter of the producer of a Broadway production. This incident, unsurprisingly, ended his tenure in Broadway. Mr. Ellison actually brings up that point, including our first in-book acknowledgement that a grown man sleeping with underage teenagers is both gross and illegal. THANK YOU, Mr. Ellison.

Anyway, long story short: Mr. Lord is desperate to get this better directing job because directing is his only possible future in theater.

Mr. Lord then goes to tie up Sadie, while Alex is already secretly working on freeing himself with his convenient pocket knife.

Then the most absurd thing in this maelstrom of absurdity happens. She gets a call from her dad (he’s a teacher at the high school and is calling to find out why she’s not at school) and convinces Mr. Lord that she has to take the call.

She tells her father that she overslept, but then blurts out that Mr. Lord has cast her as Bella. This apparently guarantees that Mr. Lord has to let her go back to school because if she’s not Bella in the show that night, her father will know something is wrong. But…he wouldn’t bat an eye if she just disappeared for a day or two?

So of course, the turning of the plot and the universe require that she be the star of the musical. Dear God, I don’t even care anymore, I just want to finish this thing.

Mr. Lord decides he has no choice but to let Sadie play Bella. On the other hand, Sadie will have to spend all day with him so she can’t go call the cops or anything. Also, apparently he thinks that everything will be over after this night’s performance and he’s presumably offered that other director’s position. So, is he planning on murdering all three of them? Because I am pretty sure kidnapping charges would interfere with his new job.

Suddenly Alex tries to talk Mr. Lord out of Sadie’s casting, telling him that Sadie won’t be as good a Bella as that other girl and would hurt his chances of getting the job. Sadie decides to react by being hurt that Alex doesn’t think she’s a good enough actor to handle the role. Man, she really would be the perfect Bella; she’s just as empty-headed and self-absorbed.

In any case, Mr. Lord is persuaded and goes to tie Sadie up again. But remember how Alex was working on cutting his bonds? He bursts out of them and grabs Mr. Lord as soon as the music teacher sets the gun down to tie Sadie up. Sadie grabs the gun and the scene ends with her telling Mr. Lord not to move or she’ll shoot him.

Questionable Media Month Part 24

Chapter 24 – Desperately Seeking Alex

Surprising no one, Mr. Lord doesn’t believe her and tries to grab the gun. Also surprising no one, Sadie doesn’t have the guts to even try a warning shot. (Okay, that’s unfair - few high schoolers would be comfortable shooting at someone.)

Then Mr. Ellison hits Mr. Lord over the head with a shovel. Okay, I really like Mr. Ellison.

Alex apologizes profusely (?), telling Sadie that he knows she’s a great actor. He just didn’t want her to have to spend the whole day with a gun-wielding maniac. This appeases Sadie and she forgives him. Because everything really DOES revolve around Sadie! Her hurt feelings are the most important part of this situation!

Finally Mr. Ellison calls the police while Alex and Sadie tie up Mr. Lord. Instead of staying to talk to the police, they decide to head back to school. Oh, and Sadie really will be Bella, since the other girl will probably be more occupied with her boyfriend’s arrest. Yay.

They spend the drive back to school recalling the insanity of the morning, finishing up with a high five about having saved things as a team, just like old times.

Then Sadie goes to the bathroom to cry, because she realizes that she actually fell in love with Alex the day he returned from California, but being attracted to his hotness makes her just as shallow as all the other girls in the school. Woe.

Sadie tries to make it through the school day, but she’s exhausted and goes home early after finally talking to the police. Instead of napping, she mulls over the Alex situation some more and eventually digs out a bunch of home movies from when they were kids. Watching them makes her realize that he was always attractive, she just didn’t realize it. And she didn’t decide to be his friend or fall in love with him because he turned hot, it was just what opened her eyes to how she really felt about him.

So that’s all right then? Crisis of conscience solved in about four pages. Also, she decides she doesn’t want to date Alex; she just wants him back as her best friend. (Guess how long this lasts.)

She arrives at school that evening ready to rock as Bella (FINALLY), but wanting to take her time getting into costume and makeup since the whole thing feels pretty surreal. Then Nigel corners her and suggests that they “step outside and practice our kiss for real”. She rejects him and brings up Lucey, because apparently he’s the one who impregnated her now? He denies it, but shakily, and runs off. Uh, he’s still playing Edward, right? …good luck with that chemistry onstage?

Oh, but Mr. Lord’s girlfriend is still here! And still planning on playing Bella! DUN DUN DUN.

Questionable Media Month Part 25

Chapter 25 – The Difference Between Real Life and Make-Believe

My summaries get pretty short from here on out; I would apologize, but I’m sure you’re all as low on patience as I am.

Apparently Other Bella, a college theater major, is determined to play the part because she thinks that performing in a mediocre high school play will be GREAT for her resume. Is literally every single character obsessed with what happens in high school?

The rest of the club gathers around, ready to tell Other Bella to step off because “this is Sadie’s show and Sadie is Bella” (direct quote), but instead Sadie gets a nice little monologue taking the girl to task. Chastened by this sixteen year old, Other Bella slinks away.

Two unpleasant encounters right before a show are too many for Sadie, so she sneaks away backstage to calm down before the curtains open. Alex finds her and reassures her that she’ll be fine, even with Jerkface Nigel. He tells her that she just needs to take charge, like she did when they were kids and she wrote, directed, and made the costumes and sets for every show they enacted together. That’s actually why he got into sports, apparently; he wanted to prove to himself that he could lead in something rather that just following Sadie’s direction.

She’s still nervous, so he literally turns her towards the stage, whispers, ‘make believe’, then turns her towards him, says ‘this is real life’ and kisses her. And they make out a little bit before she has to go on, now feeling on top of the world.

I could go into how this seems a tad unrealistic and that I know almost nothing about Alex – he disappeared for a huge section of the book – but you know what? Cool. Whatever. Four chapters left.

Questionable Media Month Part 26

Chapter 26 – Nigel Comes Clean

The first part of this section is Sadie recounting the first musical number, Don’t Stop Believing. It’s also in present tense, which annoyed me, but I guess you could argue it reflects how Sadie is hyperaware of the present while she’s performing so I’ll let it go.

The first act goes really well and Sadie is the perfect leading lady despite not having any practice in the role, naturally. During intermission Nigel appears and apologizes, and explains: he DID get Lucey pregnant, but she agreed to keep it a secret so his parents wouldn’t get upset and ship him back to his awful hometown in England. Also, he’s only been playing the role of a punk womanizer; at home he’s really a music theater nerd. They talk a little bit about how he’ll eventually need to come clean to his parents, etc. My lack of caring is boundless.

Deep breaths. Three more chapters.

Questionable Media Month Part 27

Chapter 27 – CDC Rises Again

(CDC is the Crudup Drama Club, if you were wondering.)

More present tense. More Twilight plot summary. More discussion of how awesome Sadie is in this role. More lyrics. We see the big Edward and James fight scene, in which both Riot and Pain from Three Days Grace are used. Even more song lyrics! Nigel knocks it out of the park as a tormented Edward.

(So, I guess that the ‘rising again’ just means that the drama club did well in these scenes? But we already know they’d done well in the first act, and the play isn’t even over yet, so how is this the CDC rising again? Oh God, I don’t care, just make it end.)

Questionable Media Month Part 28

Chapter 28 – Vampires In Love

Final prom scene! It goes well! We’re in present tense again! The show closes out with What A Feeling from Flashdance! I’ve never seen Flashdance, but these lyrics are about ‘dancing through your life’ and ‘all your dreams coming true’ which seems only tangentially related to Twilight? Eh, it’s a big song and dance number to close out the show, whatever. And of course, we get the full lyrics of the song, because why not.

“As we sing the final few lines, I realize we’ve done it. It all came together in one glorious…thing, bigger than any of us. We took all our differences in personality, beliefs, looks and desires, and melded them into a new entity – a story told with passion, credibility, and lots of great music.”

It’s bigger than any of us! Except for the part where the entire universe conspired to give me the lead part! And I wrote the whole script and all of the best songs, and the entire case agrees that it’s MY SHOW! So really, it’s all about me!

I will not punch my Kindle. I will not punch my Kindle.

Just one more chapter!

Questionable Media Month Part 29

Chapter 29 – Popularity Pact

The second and third performances both go by with no more than minor issues. Hooray!

Then in an honestly semi-surprising twist, it turns out that her parents aren’t divorcing. Her mom just had a health scare – they thought she might have breast cancer – but she doesn’t, so yay!

Except Sadie is upset, because she’s been assuming this whole time that her parents were planning a divorce and she’s angry that her mom didn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth. Which, fair enough.

Meanwhile, Nigel has come clean at school about being the father of Lucey’s baby. Also, Mr. Lord was in fact arrested for kidnapping. (The question of whether he had an inappropriate and illegal physical relationship with a student is left unaddressed.) Also, Mr. Ellison agrees that they should put on a spring play to round out the theater program before he retires at the end of the year, neatly setting up the sequel. Did I mention this book has a sequel? No, I will not be reading it.

Also, Sadie and Alex officially start dating, starting with some steamy one-on-one basketball action. Sadie decides in like a week that she’s maybe falling for Alex. Because kissing Alex is different than kissing Nigel (it makes her heart feel all warm and squishy - no, really)! Just like Jesse told her! TRUE LOVE WAITS, KIDS. At least this book stays true to Twilight’s no-physical-affection-before-marriage message…?

This means that Sadie is popular by the transitive properties of dating a popular kid, which she finds disconcerting. To counterbalance it, she and Alex sign a pledge that they won’t let being popular go to their heads or influence them to be untrue to themselves.

And it’s finally over. And my head really, really hurts.

Aquamarine Dreams: An Awoken Fanmix

AKA "Help I've Fallen Into an Ironic Fandom and I Can't Get Out"

In late 2013, Lindsay Ellis and her friends started a video series called Fifty Shades of Green (later retitled Booze Your Own Adventure), where they talked about YA paranormal romance tropes, and eventually wrote a satiric YA paranormal romance of their own, loosely based on the Cthulhu mythos. The book was titled Awoken, and it's still available for purchase on Amazon. It was both hilarious and unexpectedly compelling, and I ended up making a playlist for it.



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