Questionable Media Month 2013, Part One, AKA let the Tumblr cross-posting begin!

*gently blows layer of dust off of Dreamwidth account*

Well! Tumblr is going down the drain and Pfio is not as stable yet as I'd prefer (though I do have an account there), so I think I'm going to make DW my home base for things that are longer than tweet or two.

As part of that, I'm slowly going to move all of my substantial posts and commentary from Tumblr to DW. I'm locking these posts for a bit so they don't flood people's dashboards, but I'll unlock them after a month or two.

First up is a chapter-by-chapter synopsis/review/rant of a book I read back in 2013. I labeled the series "Questionable Media Month" and posted one chapter per day (with two a day near the end of the month) every day in February.

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Questionable Media Month Part 2

Chapter 2 - New Species

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Questionable Media Month Part 3

Chapter 3 - It’s My Turn

(Note: I am two out of 29 chapters in, and already 10% through the book. So the chapters will be getting even shorter! Hooray!)

Sadie’s mom knows something is wrong because Alex didn’t come to dinner after the first day of school, like he usually does. You know, because his dad is an alcoholic deadbeat and his mom works super-hard and isn’t home much. Sadie “hadn’t uninvited Alex, but I had given him the cold shoulder all day, so I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t show.” And she did this, let’s remember, because he wants to be in a different club than her. For a semester.

Ladies and gentlemen, OUR HEROINE.

Blah blah, we were platonic life theater partners before he DESERTED me, oh woe is me.

“I can see you want to get all dramatic about this…but don’t drop him like a hot potato, like you’ve done with other friends over the years.” <-Sadie’s mom. Honest question – am I supposed to dislike Sadie? Because I’m firmly disliking her at this point.

God, the dialogue is so stilted. I am not going to quote every instance because I’d be quoting the whole book; just take my word for it.

And then we get a Very Symbolic Scene where she contemplates cutting off the friendship bracelet Alex gave her when they were ten, but can’t bring herself to do it.

Theater club meeting! Yes, let’s have a roll call for four pages. That sounds like an excellent idea.

I find it funny, yet predictable, that Sadie’s friend Adrienne is not a fellow actor who might compete with her, but is instead a “loyal and reliable” member of the backstage crew.

Oh good, we’ve got a fat character whose only defining characteristic is being fat. Yay.

This drama club apparently has a total of 13 members, and one of them is strictly backstage. Okay, I take it back; I understand why Sadie is so upset with Alex. They need more people! A cast that small severely limits your musical theater options.

Established Club Advisor (and Sadie’s favorite teacher) is having a territorial tiff with New Hot Music Teacher over the co-running of the drama club. Wait, Sadie founded the club? This high school had no drama club before she convinced her English teacher to let her start one (convinced through her excellent Juliet reading in English class? That makes no sense…)? And I’m sorry, but what freshman English class reads ‘Anna Karenina’?

And we get a further info-dump about something that was already established, i.e. she always gets smaller parts, never the lead, oh boo hoo. Three pages of this, you guys.

“Lucey purred, like the cat that swallowed the canary.” I just – I can’t, you guys.

Sadie dramatically announces that Alex won’t be performing, and no one (except for Loyal Adrienne) cares. Ahahaha.

They can’t decide on a musical! New Hot Music Teacher brings up the idea of writing their own musical! Sadie is intrigued. I am ready for anything that will move this plot forward.

Questionable Media Month Part 4

Chapter 4 – Troy and Gabriella Redux

Is not having watched High School Musical going to significantly impact my understanding of this book?

…do I care? (‘No’ is the answer to that one, if you were wondering.)

Sadie’s further thoughts on Alex: “I felt extra disconnected without him at my side…the traitor took his campaign of infamy into the cafeteria, where he sat with the rest of the soccer team instead of me…Okay, maybe I scared him away the time he tried to sit with me.”

Uh, so just to confirm, I am supposed to dislike Sadie at this point, right?

“Unlike Alex, Adrienne came through for me on the friend front. Her extreme good nature meant she had considered me a friend all these years, even though I never invited her over after Alex moved in next door.” Complete forgiveness and acceptance of whatever Sadie chooses to do=good friend. Having any thoughts or opinions of your own=bad friend. Oooookay then.

Anyway, the drama club still hasn’t picked a show. Sadie suggests Grease, but New Hot Music Teacher shoots it down because another school in the area is also doing it and the company who owns the rights won’t let two schools in the area perform it at the same time? I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing, but it’s also implied that NHMT is just bullshitting so he can propose his idea, so I’ll let it go.

NHMT’s idea is a musical revue, which is part of his territorial tiff with Established Club Advisor, because NHMT is the ~music~ teacher and a revue is pretty much all music. ECA dismisses a revue as a glorified talent contest, which leads to this immortal exchange:

“Obviously you’ve never been in any kind of theatrical environment, Donald, or you wouldn’t make such obscure comments.”

“If you’d ever been in any kind of educational environment, Tony, you would be able to use ‘obscure’ in a sentence properly.”

OH SNAP.

Also, I have seen and heard of some unprofessional teacher behavior in my day, but this is pretty impressively unprofessional (in front of students, no less!).

Lucey suggests High School Musical 2. Man, she really is evil.

Why is ECA asking Sadie, a student in the club, her opinions about who in the club should be cast in which parts? And making High School Musical’s Gabriella into a blonde instead of a brunette has nothing to do with ‘casting against type’. How would that change the character at all? What is going on?

New Hot Music Teacher starts his pitch for what I suspect will bring us eventually to the Twilight musical (*sob*) but Established Club Advisor shuts him down and seems really weirdly enthusiastic about the HSM2 option.

“This…scared me”. You and me both, Sadie. You and me both.

Questionable Media Month Part 5

Chapter 5 - Losing All Sense

So, we have a reminder that apparently everyone in Sadie’s town loves soccer and is obsessed with the high school soccer teams. She and Alex had a secret pact to hate soccer, or at least they did until Alex BETRAYED HER by getting all SPORTY and HOT and BUFF and seriously, Sadie, give it a rest.

Adrienne drags her to the first home game of the season, and they have fun. Cool. They hear about a get-together being held by a guy who is known for his crazy, hard-drinking parties; Sadie sniffs that “I[‘m not] into the drinking scene. I’d prefer to hang with Alex or small groups of friends.” Which, fair enough, but who are her other friends? She’s only mentioned Adrienne as being a moral support now that Alex has deserted her, and she didn’t reconnect with Adrienne until this past summer.

Anyway, Sadie doesn’t want to go until Hot if Improbable English Exchange Student Nigel asks her if she’s going, at which point Adrienne is like, “I guess I’ll need to ask my sister to give us a ride…?” Five chapters in and I’m already starting to feel kinda bad for Adrienne.

So they go to the party, and Sadie drinks a beer to calm her nerves because she’s still freaked out over Alex. But then unexpected Nigel is unexpected! He asks her if she’s “mooning over [her] next-door neighbor like all the other girls.” Way to be a jerk, dude.

Blah blah, soccer or as people in the U.K. call it, football, blah blah. Oh dear… “You forget. The U.K. has other loves besides football, such as music. And it just so happens that I’m quite endowed in that area.” Ugh. If I were remotely invested in either of these characters, this sexy flirting might be cute; however, I’m not and so it mostly just comes across as gross.

They talk about music, and Sadie muses that she’s even more of an ~outcast~ because she likes not just show tunes, but “punk rock”. First of all, the bands mentioned so far are The Clash and The Buzzcocks, which, okay, but also New Order (post-punk) and Echo and the Bunnymen (post-punk). Moreover, she’s stated more than once that she had to raid her parents’ record collections and do research after the first time Nigel brought up music, and that research is the only reason she’s able to hold up her end of the conversation. So does she really like this music or is she faking her interest because of this hot English guy? It’s unclear.

Evil Lucey and henchgirl try to distract Nigel, he continues to pay attention to Sadie, she wonders why he seems to like her so much, etc. Then he goes to talk to some other people and Alex confronts Sadie when she tries to get a second beer, telling her she shouldn’t drink any more. But then Nigel gets her another one anyway. Yay?

“And why is that, Nigel? You like your women stupid?” <- not something any sixteen year old would say, ever. Also, this is literally the second time you’ve exchanged words with this boy, Sadie. “His woman” is perhaps going a tad far.

They make out, but it starts raining (they are on the deck) so Nigel says they should – leave the house and take a walk in the woods to find shelter? Yeah, that makes sense. Adrienne tries to get Sadie’s attention but Sadie can’t stop and talk to her friend for a second because, duh, BOY.

They sit in the backyard, he keeps getting her more beer while flirting with her, and she eventually throws up which gets him all cranky. You have no one to blame but yourself, Nigel. And Adrienne comes running out and takes care of her. (Oh Adrienne honey. You don’t have to do this! Boundaries are good, even with friends!)

Questionable Media Month Part 6

Chapter 6 - Two Stupid Things

1. Sadie. 2. This book.

…what, that’s not it?

Adrienne has let Sadie spend the night and Sadie wakes up predictably miserably hungover. At breakfast, Adrienne breaks two big pieces of news.

First, there’s a persistent rumor going around that the drama club won’t do a show at all this year because of the infighting between Established Club Advisor and New Hot Music Teacher.

Second – oh man. Adrienne overheard Nigel asking some senior guys who would be the most likely to “give it up” easily and then settling on Sadie – even though she’s NOT ‘easy’, which is very important for us to know because Sadie is a Good Girl – reasoning that ‘she’s a wallflower and wallflowers are grateful for the attention’. (This is after Lucey is mentioned, because of course Evil Lucey is also sexually promiscuous.)

This part genuinely surprised me, though not in a good way: Sadie doesn’t care. She muses that she “wasn’t prepared to give up on Nigel because of one offhanded comment. We really clicked last night. I knew I wasn’t imagining the chemistry.” The chemistry you had when you were so drunk that you threw up. Yeah, that’s very believable.

And she’s also not upset because her older brother has already given her the low-down that all guys are jerks. I feel the need to quote this entire paragraph because it infuriates me.

“Boys are all jerks, and we’ll do anything you let us do. So you can’t do two stupid things at once, like get drunk at parties and then hook up with guys. Or drink and drive. Or have sex without a condom. You have to be the smart one, and the sober one. So be careful, because guys won’t be, okay?”

And Adrienne’s all, ha ha, your brother is pretty smart! I just – I can’t.

(Note from the future: I KNOW this kind of advice is very common, but it doesn’t make it any better. For one thing, it’s incredibly unfair to the vast majority of guys who are actually good people that you can trust. For another, when you frame men as essentially uncontrollable and move all the onus for being responsible onto women, you’re moving in a bad, victim-blaming direction.

“Oh, don’t exaggerate,” you’re probably saying now. “Sadie’s not actually going to start, say, blaming rape victims for being raped.” Remember this moment, is all I’m saying.)

Then we move onto the topic of Alex. They’ve been best friends since second grade, and Alex is “not your typical boy” (I am guessing this means he is less of a wild uncontrollable beast, ugh). Sadie says she misses him but they don’t have as much in common now, and Adrienne brings the common sense: “ ‘So you can’t be friends? Because you don’t do the same activities?’ It sounded so stupid when she said it.”

Sadie heads home and whines to her parents until they take her driving (she still has a learner’s permit and needs to log hours). They argue about who should take her, which is apparently weird. Then she starts to feel guilty over being such a jerk to Alex, and tries to talk to him. At first it goes well, but he’s distracted by a phone call by one of Evil Lucey’s Henchgirls and Sadie decides to get revenge by telling him that she’s going to Homecoming with Nigel. Also, within half a page we have both a Muse and an Adam Lambert reference. Good times.

Questionable Media Month Part 7

Chapter 7 – Rollercoaster of Life

“In Health Ed sophomore year, Mrs. Newman said teenagers are on a kind of emotional rollercoaster suspended between childhood and adulthood, with all the uncertainty and peaks and lows, the thrills and fear, that that limbo brings. The third week of junior year, the ups and downs of my sheer existence made me think the rollercoaster analogy was a good one.” Okay, you’re belaboring a somewhat tired metaphor, but the framing isn’t that bad-

“Picture me Sunday morning climbing into the rollercoaster car and buckling up, getting ready for the week, or the ride.” *blinks* I appreciate that you’re committed to this figure of speech, but really?

“The rollercoaster car chugged along, picking up speed.” No seriously, you don’t have to –

“The car climbed up the tracks, portending fun and excitement. My hands gripped the bar and I was smiling expectantly.” Um.

“The rollercoaster car neared the top of the first incline.” Hmm.

“I was in heaven, and the ride was exhilarating.” Okay, I’ll forgive this one; it’s fairly subtle and works in context.

“Picture that as the first big loop-de-loop of the rollercoaster ride, giving me chills and thrills as I spun and twisted madly through the air, laughing all the way and definitely wanting more.” Seriously, please stop.

“…like the inevitable letdown after the big loop, as the car chugs along the flat track preparing for the next climb.” You’re just going to keep going with this, aren’t you, author?

“The rollercoaster careened over the edge of a sheer vertical drop, my stomach plunging with it.” Do rollercoasters do that? I think you are mixing your amusement-park-ride-metaphors here.

“More chugging around the track waiting for the next scary part. Which came Wednesday, when I was thrown into another loop-de-loop.” *cries*

“I crashed to the bottom of the roller coaster track.” Why are you doing this to me?

“The rollercoaster twisted into a corkscrew.” Whyyyyy?

“But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was creeping up the rollercoaster track again, this time with no idea of what kind of drop waited over the edge.” *sobs into hands*

“Thursday, we plunged toward the ground and flew right off the tracks.” So…the rollercoaster is poorly maintained? I would say that I’m reading too much into your metaphor, except that’s impossible because YOU WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT THIS %$^#ING ROLLERCOASTER.

“So ended the stomach-churning rollercoaster ride also known as the third week of junior year, a miserable mess of highs and lows, mostly lows.” Oh thank God, it’s over.

Outside of the fifteen separate references to that stupid rollercoaster analogy:

1. Sadie and Nigel hang out (and make out) a couple of times, practicing for the HSM2 auditions. Sadie teaches Nigel about musical theater; Nigel teaches Sadie about British slang. Nigel tries to get Sadie to sleep with him. She refuses and he gets all sulky.


2. While hanging out with Nigel, Sadie completely forgets/blows off her plans to study with Adrienne. Adrienne of course forgives her, because Adrienne is the saintly secondary character and friend.
   
3. Things are still weird with Alex.


4. Things are also weird between Sadie’s parents, and it is making them grumpy. (As a reader, it’s pretty obvious that they’re going to end up separating if not divorcing completely, but Sadie of course has no clue of this yet.)


5. Adrienne was right; due to the school’s financial problems, the theater club has no budget and therefore can’t afford to do a show. Established Club Advisor is resigned to disbanding the club, New Hot Music Teacher suggests they regroup next week to discuss possible options.

Also, please note: it’s here, at 30% of the book per my Kindle, that we have finished recounting the plot that was told to us ON PAGE 3. Also, we have not yet gotten to Twilight: The Musical.

Questionable Media Month Part 8

Chapter 8 – Cultural Differences

Um. This chapter - maybe mild trigger warning for possible sexual harrasment? I don’t even know, guys.

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Questionable Media Month Part 9

Chapter 9 - Pick A Show, Any Show

There’s another drama club meeting so they can figure out what to do. Mr. Ellison is not there; Mr. Lord challenges them to “turn this challenge into an opportunity to do something new and different…something bold.”

They discuss a revue, and Nigel goes on about how many songs in musicals aren’t very good. Sadie is struck that he actually knows all about musical theater but had pretended not to know two chapters ago. “Had I been played?” You mean, was he pretending to be nice to try to get in your pants? Like Adrienne told you a week and a half ago he was doing? Say it isn’t so!

They natter on about how they could stage it, which is nice but isn’t the same as an actual show idea. Then Sadie busts out with, “We could do a higher-concept version of a revue. We could do it like an episode of Glee, with a theme. We could pick songs that relate to that theme somehow, and even write a script to hold it all together.” Which is…not really a revue, but in fact a play? Oh, whatever. I am frankly too convulsed with laughter over the idea of Twilight: The Glee Musical to care.

They bat around the idea of actually making the show out of Glee but decide the plot is too complicated. Still, this gets them into book and movie adaptations. At this point, Mr. Ellison shows up to be the voice of reason (or try to).

• Percy Jackson! Too many special effects.


• Harry Potter! Too many special effects. (Plus, I hate to tell the drama club this, but they already did that one.)


• Up! Apparently the entire club hates animated movies, so no.


• Precious! Bonus fat/black joke by Lucey! Everyone gasps. Mr. Ellison scolds Lucey but she is unabashed.


• Confessions of a Shopaholic! Oh you have got to be kidding me.

And then Mr. Lord brings it up. The biggest craze to hit fiction (after Harry Potter). The movie he was an extra in. Twilight.

“Mr. Ellison looked pale.” I feel you, Mr. Ellison.

Everyone besides Mr. Ellison is enthused.

“It’s one of the greatest love stories ever.”

*bursts into uncontrollable laughter*

“Mr. Ellison’s arms remained crossed over his chest, his wide, thin lips in a disapproving frown.” I think I understand what the author is trying to convey, but “wide, thin lips” is an awful phrase. Also, Mr. Ellison’s reaction shots are hilarious.

Sadie’s going to write the script, but who will write original songs? I guess we’re throwing the revue idea completely out the window? No one at Crudup High writes music, sadface. Instead, “maybe we can use existing songs that tie to the Twilight themes, like they do on Glee. Or adapt existing songs, by writing new words to them.” So, this really is going to be Twilight: The Glee Musical? Fantastic.

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” Mr. Ellison criticized. I’m torn between raising my eyebrows at the unnecessary dialogue tag and high-fiving Mr. Ellison.

They decide to try to rewrite some songs to fit Twilight and regroup next week.

Questionable Media Month Part 10

Chapter 10 – Twilight On The Brain

“To my shock and dismay, for the first time in my life, I found myself thinking more about boys than theatre. It was inexplicable and indefensible.” (Like this book.) (Sorry, that may be a little on-the-nose.)

So, Sadie is trying to write this Twilight script “as September slipped into October” (geez, when are they going to perform this play? They’re cutting it really close if they’re planning to perform it before winter break and haven’t even cast it yet) but is mildly obsessed with Nigel. Even though he’s very involved with Lucey. Also, Alex is dating one of Evil Lucey’s henchgirls and the other henchgirl also has a boyfriend and they’re basically always going on triple dates or hanging out at Alex’s house. Sadie is understandably bummed about this, although I can’t help but think that if she hadn’t been such a big jerk to Alex, he wouldn’t have decided to stop hanging out with her?

She goes on another extended whine about how she really looks fine, why doesn’t she have a boyfriend? “The thought of enduring two more years of high school boyfriend-less was agonizing.” Sorry to repeat myself, but really: OH, DRAMATIZE.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, “Through all this crap, Adrienne was my rock – an unfailing friend in the storm. The night of the Homecoming Dance, we watched movies and ate popcorn, and pretended it was a regular night.” Because heaven forbid the main character’s friend have a date when the main character does not. Also, I guess it’s impossible for them to gather up another couple of single friends and go to the dance as a group? I did that for freaking prom, I’m pretty sure Sadie could handle it for the Homecoming dance.

Mr. Lord is unhappy with the current crop of Twilight songs and decides to express this by criticizing the kids’ efforts in front of the entire class (granted, he doesn’t actually say who wrote each song, but it’s still pretty brutal). Man, he’s an awful teacher.

First they sing and make fun of a rewrite of ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. Lucey has tears in her eyes, because of course she wrote it. And when Sadie realizes that Lucey was the lyricist, she is suddenly okay with the mocking because “the song was lame”.

The next unlucky song to be mocked is a rewrite of the Addams Family song, which is okay but uses a lot of the words from the original song, which Mr. Lord deems as “showing no creativity whatsoever.” Wait, weren’t they throwing around the idea of just lifting songs that ‘fit the theme’ of Twilight? If the words fit, what’s the problem? Mr. Lord makes a mysterious reference to “winning” something and how this level of song-writing won’t win.

Next up is a rewrite of Katy Perry’s “Hot and Cold”, referencing Bella’s love triangle between Edward and Jacob. Only problem is, they’re doing a play of Twilight, not New Moon or Eclipse.

“To give you some motivation, I’m going to post the best lyrics, and maybe the worst, on the bulletin board outside my room every day until we get enough useable songs.” Mr. Lord: worst teacher ever?

This also gives Sadie inspiration (?): why show even a modicum of originality by directly adapting the book into a play? Why not just take the movie script and make a few cuts to make it play-length? And that’s exactly what she does, and feels very triumphant about it. Whatever, plagiarizer.